How can I improve this poem?

Maybe if you used smaller words...the words you have give it an air of dark mysteriousness and it sounds enchanting, but the words you have don't let it flow easily when you read it. If you help it flow and it's not as fragmented...if you get it to come more together than it should sound better, try trading the big words for smaller ones of the same or similar meaning which carry the same mood and use the syllables to help it smoother.